Recently, a new friend suggested a website where I saw this quote from Elizabeth Edwards. In the midst of my grief fog I may have already posted this months ago. In any case, it reminded me of a conversation I had when someone shared that they had heard through the grapevine that a friend they had lost touch with had lost a child. In their opinion, to reach out now and express their sympathy would only wake up an old wound. Hmmm? Old wound.
Prior to losing my daughter, I may have nodded my head in confirmation as to acknowledging a loss outside of a certain number of days. However, now I know nothing could be further from the truth. If there is an entry included in a book of etiquette which lists a suggested time frame for acknowledging and extending sympathy, it needs updating.
To acknowledge my loss and remember my daughter, Amy, as some of my most caring family members and friends continue to do, is always appreciated. Honestly, your belated expression of sympathy could not possibly rekindle my grief or serve as a reminder to me that my daughter has died. I live with this painful reminder every moment so no worries about waking that sleeping dragon.
Expressing compassion and sympathy does not have a time frame. To remember Amy speaks to my broken heart. To honor her significance in my life speaks to my dazed and confused soul. To speak her name and reflect on her significance in your life is golden. Amy was here; please don’t dance around that fact under any misguided outdated school of irrational thinking. Speak her name and remember Amy. Write her name on a bathroom wall or a dollar bill. Make a $1 donation at the grocery store with her name on it. Do a kind deed in her memory. Remember her soul in your prayers. Please do.
Or do it for the friend you may have lost touch with who lost their child. Remember their child was here. Say their name. Take a leap of faith. Dig deep and find the time to send a text or a simple card to your old friend to remind them that you care because let me reassure you, many do not. Grandiose overtures not required. Simple acts of kindness go a long way.
Always, always remember Amy.