While I accept that this painful grieving process is a natural result of losing someone I loved with all of my heart, I was not prepared to deal with the additional pain caused by the things people say. Whether intentional or not, the result is the same. It hurts.
I will admit that we grievers are raw so it’s not difficult to hurt us. We search for comfort everywhere because we are so desperate to find a way to get rid of this foreign debilitating pain that we are now living with as a direct result of losing our loved one. I can only speak for myself, but I never ever have experienced anything so intense and relentless as grief pain.
Here are a few examples which prompted this post:
1. God never gives you more than you can handle!!!!
My reality is He can and He does and He did when Amy died. My hope is that some day my faith will be restored. But for now I am feeling that God is an Indian giver and a thief. I continue to be open to that changing but I am not there yet.
2. You are strong and you’ll get through this.
Seriously!!! I am hanging on by a thread.
3. Amy wouldn’t want you to be this way.
Really — when was the last time you spoke to her. Amy would understand my pain.
4. It’s been 3 months; you must be feeling better.
Hmmm — her life started inside of me and my love began then and grew with every passing year. I will probably never get over grieving Amy but hopefully not in the same way.
5. You better not get stuck in your grief or you will lose all of your friends.
Well, I sure wouldn’t want to make any of my friends uncomfortable because I am grieving my daughter. By now I have learned to suck it up around most people but am so grateful to the friends who allow me to show and share my sorrow.
I am only including some of the comments which have hurt me…
Believe me when I say I understand why people don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to say either. Just saying I am sorry is sufficient. Pitying me makes me feel pathetic and insinuates I am less blessed than you are. I am still blessed because I had the privilege of having Amy as my daughter and our love will never die. I still have a loving son and amazing daughter as well as a wonderful husband who shares my loss. I have supportive sisters, a mother who loves me and many caring family and friends. Yes, my Amy is gone and that truly sucks, but no one can tell me I am not blessed. That is not helping.